Baby Sitting
by lerene
Summary: A humorous tale of Sirius and Remus baby sitting a few month old Harry. Harry is not making it easy for them.
1. Chapter 1

**Baby Sitting**

**Summary: A humorous tale of Sirius and Remus baby sitting a few month old Harry.**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all it's characters, all I own is the idea for this story.**

**Author note: hope you like and don't forget to review, if you don't I'll feel hurt. Read and enjoy.**

**Chapter 1**

Sirius laid on his couch with his feet hanging over the the arm of the couch. He laid there in peace, then he saw Lily's head smiling at him from the fireplace. He silently cursed, then sat up. But as soon as he did she was gone. A few seconds later Lily walked out of the fireplace holding a few month old baby. "Can I help you?" Sirius said a little annoyed.

Lily just continued to smile. "As a matter of fact," she came over and placed the baby in Sirius arms and placed the bag that was on her shoulder down. "Thank you for for baby sitting."

"WHAT!" Sirius yelled as the baby in his arms began to cry. "I'm a bachelor. What do I know about taking care of a baby?" Lily smiled, then apparated away. "Lily!" He looked down at the baby with a frown. "Why couldn't she have gave you to Remus? And can you shut the bloody hell up!" The baby just continued to cry. Sirius groaned, then placed the baby on couch. Sirius hair fell into the baby's reach and the baby gladly grabbed it.

About half an hour later Remus walked through Sirius's front door to find a very grumpy Sirius with messy hair. A sleeping baby Harry slept next to him. Remus couldn't help himself, "Past girlfriend drop off something you forgot with her?"

Sirius looked at his friends with daggers shooting out his eyes. He was angry (1) for Harry pulling his hair and (2) for Remus comment. "Shut the bloody hell up," he said through grinned teeth. He got up from the couch and pulled Remus over to a place where he could talk without waking Harry. "What was Lily thinking giving me that," he said pointing at Harry.

"The that your talking about is your godson Harry. And I believe what she was thinking was you watching him."

"But what do I know about taking care of a baby," Sirius said looking at Harry hoping he would sleep the whole time.

Remus shook his head and smiled, "Nothing. That's why James told me to help you. When he comes back he wants his son to still be alive."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I wont kill it." He crossed his arms and gave Remus a dull stair.

"Stop calling him it, he has a name." Remus walk over to Harry who was starting to cry.

"What's wrong now," Sirius companied dragging his feet back to the couch.

"He's hungry," Remus stated picking Harry up.

"How can you tell?" Sirius said eyeing the kid.

"Have you fed him?"

"Well," Sirius shrugged, "no."

Remus handed Harry to Sirius, who reluctantly took him. Then Remus grabbed the bag that belonged to Lily and removed a bottle of milk from it. He did a spell to warm the drink, then handed it to Sirius.

"Now what?" Sirius held Harry in one arm and the bottle in the other.

A shake of the head and a roll of eyes was what Remus gave him in reply. He took the bottle and held it for Harry to drink, but he didn't take the bottle. He just continued to cry. Remus brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Is there a button to turn it off?" Sirius really wanted the kid to shut up, but the only way of doing so was killing the kid and that wasn't the best idea given the fact the kid belonged to his best friend or at least that's what Lily made them think. "He didn't take the milk, so what does he want? And what's that smell?" Remus gave him a look. "HELL NO!" Sirius held Harry at arms length. "YOU DO IT!"

"ME! You're the ones whose post to be baby sitting him!" Remus didn't want to change the diaper anymore than Sirius did. Remus didn't mind feeding the kid, but no way did he want to change the baby.

After many minutes of arguing of who would change Harry and the sounds of Harry's cries at a very high pitch that the two adults came to the decision to work together. They placed Harry changing blanket on top of Sirius's dining table (which Sirius wasn't really liking) and placed Harry on top of it. Remus undid the diaper and both adults ran from the sight.

"How can so much stuff come out of such a small thing?" Sirius yelled over Harry's screaming. "What the bloody hell do they feed it? I thought it was just milk?"

Remus looked away from the baby. One hand on his mouth hoping he didn't through up from the sight or smell. He never thought of himself as having a weak stomach. In fact he thought he had a strong stomach given the fact he was a werewolf, but right now that didn't seem the case.

**Author note: Thanks for reading my story. hope you enjoyed it. If anyone has a good stories/ idea for my story please send them to me in a review. I love hearing what people think of my story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Remus walked into the room and stopped when he spotted Sirius. He looked at Sirius with a curious look. "Are you eating baby food?"

Licking the spoon Sirius said, "Its not that bad."

An eyebrow shot up at this, "You serious?"

"That's my name last time I checked." Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius could act like a little kid at times. Sirius finished off the jar and just starred at it. "Why do they give you such a small jar?"

"Because it's baby food!"

Sirius shrugged and grabbed for another jar, but Remus smacked at his hand. "What?"

"It's Harry's food, so stop eating it."

Sirius crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.

"Where'd Harry go?" Remus asked looking at the room.

"You lost him," Sirius yelled standing up.

"Me, you're the one whose post to be baby sitting."

"Oh come Remus, you known me how long?"

"Too long," Remus stated dryly.

"Exactly. You know that I can't watch a baby, that's why James made you come."

"I forgot. I'm not only baby sitting Harry, I'm baby sitting you too." An evil smirk glued to Remus face.

"See." Sirius paused, then, "Hey!"

"Hey what? I baby sat you sense Hogwart. Now look for Harry you bloody wander."

"I ain't a wander," Sirius whispered starting his search for Harry.

"Ain't ain't a word.

Sirius just rolled his eyes.

After fifteen minutes the two wizard still haven't found the baby. Both were starting to get real worried, but only Remus showed it. "James and Lily are going to kill us. No James is going to kill me, then bring me back to life to kill me again."

"Shut up Remus. You'll give yourself more grey hair." He looked around the room. He was starting to get very frustrated. Maybe insulting Remus would make him feel better. "I swear all your grey hair makes you look to old."

"I'm going to hex your hair hot pink if you say anything more about my hair." Remus glared at his friend. "And I hope Lily blows you up."

Sirius waved his hand then took a seat in a wooden chair from the dinning table. "I tell Lily all give her a better kid."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Remus grabbed his head in both hands worried to death what happened to Harry. Then he saw Sirius cocky smile, "You Pervert."

"I give her a great kid, a better kid." Sirius smiled. Then frown when he heard a giggle. He looked between his legs and found Harry under his chair. "Never mind I found Harry. To bad."

Remus came over and took Harry. "Have fun scaring us to death?" Harry laugh. Remus shook his head then went to the table to get Harry's food. He conjured a highchair and placed Harry in it. Remus moved away and gave a jar of baby food to Sirius.

"Your letting me eat it now," hope on Sirius face.

"No! Go feed Harry." Remus glared at Sirius waiting for him to say something.

"Fine." Sirius took a seat in front of Harry and began eating. After Harry was done eating Sirius was frowning, while Remus bit his lip trying not to laugh. Half Harry's food covered Sirius face and hair. "Remus you can burp him will I wash up." Sirius picked Harry out of the chair and handed him to Remus. "Cheers mate," then he left. He lifted some of his hair and whimpered like a dog.

Remus laugh, then put a blanket on his shoulder placing Harry on top of it. He starting patting Harry back to get him to burp his. Then Harry barfed on him. "Oy!"

**2 2 2**

Steam fill the bathroom as Sirius tried to wash all the baby food out of his hair. It felt so gross. He couldn't get it clean enough. His hair felt all oil to him now. He had Snape hair! He put more shampoo in his hair and scrubbed hard. He sighed realising that Harry more than likely would make a mess of him again. So he walked out of the shower and dried off. He put his pant on and made his way back to Remus and Harry. He was putting his hair in a bun when he spotted Remus place Harry on a blanket on the floor. "Is it nap time yet?" Sirius made a face, "What's that smell?"

Remus frowned at him. "You miss Harry barfing all over me."

A snort escaped Sirius lips. "Sorry chap."

Remus gave him a smart-aleck look. He looked back to Harry thinking about Sirius first question. "Maybe if you sing for him he'll fall asleep." After saying it he wondered if it was a smart idea. The only time he heard Sirius sing was when he was drunk and Remus's ears were bleeding after word.

"Sing," Sirius scratched his chin thinking a of a song. "'Jiggle bells, Jiggle bells, jiggle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride on--' What?" Sirius stopped singing at the look on Remus face.

"Jiggle bells?"

"What? All the other songs I know are inappropriate for him. What wrong with the song?

"Sorry to tell you, but Christmas has come and gone."

**Thanks to all of who reviewed. Please keep the suggestions coming.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to Immortal Phantom, ariannalupin, and Little Angel256 for your suggestions. They were very helpful. Also thanks to maraudersGIRL92, DoubleKK, CentaurGirl42, imakeeper, and SOR4 for reviewing.**

**The story is only going to be two more chapters, unless you guys send me more idea. Enjoy the story.**

**Chapter 3**

Sirius watched as Harry crawled around on the floor. He wasn't going to loose the kid again. He eyed the kid's dipper that seems to have grown, "Don't tell me we have to change his dipper again?" He watched as Remus moved over to Harry and checked the diaper.

"Yep."

"Crap."

Remus smiled. "There seems to be no crap this time." He picked up the baby bag and took a diaper out of it, then frown into the bag.

Sirius angrily took the diaper. "How many times do we have to change that bloody diaper?"

Still frowning at the bag, "As long as he's eating and drinking we have to change his diaper. And no we're not going to stop feeding him." Then Remus glared at Sirius. "Then again you made sure of that. Where'd all the jars of baby food go?" Sirius gave an innocent smile and Sirius was very far from being an innocent person.

"I'll change Harry."

"You better," Remus stated annoyed with narrowed eyes.

Sirius knelt on the floor and grabbed Harry so he could change the kid. But Harry keep moving. Then Sirius relied something. He looked back at Remus and said, "We sound like a bickering married couple."

"Well your the wife." Remus walked over to the front door. "I'm going to buy more baby food and diapers. Don't kill Harry will I'm gone." Then Remus walked out the door and left.

One corner of Sirius lips pulled up in a smirk. He looked down at Harry and said in a baby voice, "Now didn't that make Uncle Remus sound like the wife." Sirius frowned. "Now I sound gay." He shook his head, then grabbed Harry as he tried to get away, "No you don't." But Harry didn't seem to want to stay still.

Finally Sirius was able to get the diaper off. He turned to put the wet diaper in the garbage , when he turned back his eyes meet hard wood floor. He frowned at the floor. Where'd Harry go? He looked up to see a naked Harry crawling away on the carpet. "Oy! Get your naked arse back here. And if you piss on my carpet I'm going to take your father's Quidditch broom and shove it up his arse."

Sirius picked up the naked kid and put him back on the hard wood floor. To make sure Harry Stayed in one place he gave the baby his motorcycle keys. It seemed to please the kid for the time being.

But Harry wasn't going to give up that easy.

As soon as Sirius hand reached out to get the new diaper Harry peed hit Sirius right in the eyeball. Sirius put one hand out to stop the pee, while the other hand grabbed his eye. "Are you kidding me!" How disgusting! When it seemed that Harry was done peeing Sirius moved his hand away, then wished he didn't.

Harry wasn't done yet, but this time he peed on the rest of Sirius face. Some of the pee getting in Sirius mouth. Sirius put one of his hands near Harry's privates to stop the pee from getting anywhere near his face. He tried to spit all the piss out of his mouth. Spit. Swear word. Spit. Swear word. Spit. Swear word. "Is that tank of yours empty yet! You make my bladder seem the size of a pea compared to yours!"

Finally Harry stopped, but Sirius didn't pull his hand away for fear that Harry wasn't done yet. "Got anything else for me?"

Fart!!!

Sirius closed his eyes. A grim expression on his face. Slowly Sirius opened his eyes. Harry shot the fart so strong that it sent poop across the hard wood floor and onto his jean clad knees.

"In the name of Merlin's beard!" He glared at the kid. "Anything else," he asked angrily.Then Harry through the keys at his forehead. "SHIT!"

**3 3 3**

Some time later Remus walked through the front door with a bag of diapers and baby food. He put the bag down on the ground and looked at the room. Harry was inside a laundry basket wearing only a diaper and Sirius seemed to have changed his cloths again. Sirius was kneeling on the ground scrubbing at a stain in the wood floor. He was also swearing like a sailer.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Sirius looked up at Remus with so much hatred. "No, I cuss her out with this mouth." He looked down at the stain. He did a spell with his wand to clean up Harry's mess, but the stain didn't go away. And no amount of scrubbing made it go away. He scrubbed harder.

Sirius glared at Harry, "That is the son of the devil."

"No he's not," Remus defended.

Sirius glared at Remus. "He peed in my mouth!"

"Then you should learn to close it."

"And my eye!"

Remus coughed away a laugh. It was a very bad idea to laugh at Sirius face when he was angry. Later he would laugh his head off behind Sirius back. "Harry is not the son of the devil. Any son of your will be the son of the devil."

Sirius frowned, then smirked with a shrug of his shoulders. "Wouldn't he be the grandson of the devil." Sirius sat back on his butt as he looked at Remus. "Because my mother is the devil herself."

Remus mouth thinned; very McGollagallest. "Yeah I forgot your the son of the devil. Our days at Hogwarts proves that."

"Damn straight," Sirius smirked. "All fear me; professors, parents, students, and ghosts. None can escape me." Pause, "Expect Harry who pees and poops all over me."

Remus couldn't help himself. He laughed hard in Sirius face, then ran for it before Sirius decide to use the killing cruse on him.

"Cowered," Sirius yelled.

**Don't forget to review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to Kate, desartratt, charmedsisters, Sophie, Chase88, CentaurGirl42, and rockpunk92 for reviewing.**

**Only one more chapter to go.**

**I have a prequel planed. It going to be about when Lily goes into labor and what James stupidity lends him to do. She tells James her water brakes and he says to get a new glass. At lest Lily has Remus to help her. Should I write it?**

**Chapter 4**

Sirius glared at the dark stain on his hard wood floor with such hatred. He was going to kick James butt so badly for all the crap Harry has pulled in only a few hours. He was going to make James pay for the replacement of the floor. He sighed and looked away from the dark spot, it was making him depressed. He looked at Harry and frowned. "It's very unfair that kids are that flexible."

Remus walked over to where Sirius was standing to see what he was talking about. He smiled when he saw Harry laying on the ground sucking on his feet. "I agree, kids are to flexible. But I don't agree with eating my own feet. Isn't that cannibalism?"

Smirking, Sirius grave Remus a playful look. "Your a werewolf, so it's not cannibalism for you."

Remus narrowed his eyes at the wall in front of him. "Git."

"Twit," Sirius said playfully.

"Wanker."

"Beast."

"Arse."

Sirius lifted an eyebrow to that. "You like my bum?"

Remus turned his slitted eyes to his so called friend. "You are unbelievable."

"Aren't I," Sirius smirked.

**Some time later.**

A load cry echoed off the wall. Sirius, who was just sitting on the couch, fell over with irritation. "What does he kid want now? We already feed him and changed him. What else is there?"

Remus looked over to were Harry was crying on a blanket on the floor. He thought for a moment what Harry could want. "Maybe he wants to play?"

"Play? Play how?" Sirius rolled over on his stomach and looked at the chair Remus was sitting in. "Lil didn't bring any toys for him. And he lost my keys." He glared at Harry wondering what he did with his keys.

"Transform into Padfoot and play with him that way." Remus thought it was a good idea, lets see if he was correct.

"Okay." Sirius got up from the couch then turned into Padfoot. He lead forward on his front paws and barked, saying lets play. But all it did was scare Harry.

"Buggers for brains," Remus whispered shaking his head at his stupid friend.

Sirius didn't know what to do, so he licked the baby's face and laid down on the ground.

Harry's load cry lessoned to little whimpers as he stared at Padfoots long furry tail. A smirk formed on Remus face as he watched the baby crawl over to Padfoot's tail. He knew what Harry was going to do.

YEEEEEPPPPP!!!!! Sirius yelled as Padfoot after Harry pulled his tail. He ran away and looked at the wailing baby, then to the hysterical Remus. Sirius turned back into his true form. "Shut the fuck up! It's not funny," Sirius growled on his hands and knees.

Remus sat forward and stopped laughing for a moment. "Correction my bloody git of a friend, it is very funny. Plus you should have known better than to put your backside to a baby."

Sirius glared at Remus, then put his eyes on Harry. "I have a feeling Harry hates me."

"I'm very curious what made you think that," Remus teased. "But seriously I believe he does these things because he love you."

"Yeah right."

"And baby always do these things."

"To one person, in only a few hours," Sirius stated dryly.

Uncertainly Remus said, "Yeah. Ah Corse."

Sirius cross his arms. "When are Lil's and James going to pick up this little monster?" Sirius acting a lot like a little kid.

Remus shrugged, "Don't know."

"Well when they get here I'm neutering James so I don't have to worry about any more of his offspring."

Remus put his head on his hand and smirked at Sirius. "While your at it, neuter yourself too."

**Don't forget to review and let me know if you like the idea for the prequel. ;-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank to Vellouette, skittles324, Lady Cherri, charmedsisters, GothicTulip, rockpunk92, BestowerOfTheNameChelsery, and bledding black rose for review. Special Thanks to my girl (BestowerOfTheNameChelsery) for the idea you gave be for this chapter. **

**since people want it, I'm going to write the Prequel. It going to be called Labor Pain. It might be a while before I get to write it though.**

**I also have plans for at least two sequels, but they won't come out until after book 7 comes out.**

**Enjoy the chapter.**

**Chapter 5**

Sirius drummed his fingers against the arm of the couch as he watched Harry crawling on the floor wearing only a diaper. He gave a heavy sigh.

Throwing the Daily Prophet on the ground Remus glared at his fellow marauder. "What now?"

Sirius slowing turned his head to his friend, "Are they here yet?"

Remus gave him a dry look. "No."

**Ten minutes late**

"Are they here yet?"

"How old are you," Remus asked eying his friend. "Last time I checked the the child here was the one on the floor with the diaper. Are you implying that you wear a diaper?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes on the floor for a moment, then, "Are James and Lily here yet?"

Remus sighed in defeat. He rubbed his forehead in irritation. He didn't know how he survived seven years at Hogwarts with Sirius. Remus picked up the paper to read again, then dropped it. "Where's Harry?" He looked around himself wondering where he disappeared in only thirty seconds.

Sirius looked away from the spot he was staring at to give Remus a dumb look. "What?"

"I really hope you never father a child." Remus stood up and scanned the room.

"I'm not that bad," Sirius said crossing his arms. But he didn't get off his butt. "By the way I'm not the only one here who is post to be baby sitting."

"Get off your fat arse and help me."

Sirius lead forward in his chair, but still didn't get up. "I don't have a fat arse."

Remus let out a breath and consecrated on finding Harry. He frowned when he spotted a pile of dirty laundry moving across the floor. Then smiled when Harry's head popped out of it. Remus went over to pick up Harry, but Harry's foot was caught on one of Sirius cloths. He frown at the cloth when he took it off Harry's foot. He placed Harry in Sirius arm so that neither one of them could get away. "I have a question for you Sirius?"

"Shoot." Sirius nodded his head as he held Harry. The whole short time Remus was looking for Harry, Sirius didn't move from his chair.

Remus took the cloths that was stuck to Harry foot and held it in front of Sirius. "What's with the blood red thong in your dirty laundry?"

Sirius' eyes went wide at the sight of the thong. "It's not mine."

Sirius said that a little to fast for Remus to be convince. "Really?"

"It's my girlfriends'."

"You don't have a girlfriend."

"I did."

"Not in a long time."

"She left it."

"Did you wear it?"

"You kidding me?"

"Did you?"

"This is stupid." If Sirius didn't have Harry in his arms he would have crossed them.

"Your avoiding the question." Remus danced the thong in front of Sirius face. "Did you wear these?" Harry laughed at the dancing underwear.

"No."

Both of Remus' eyebrows shot up in horror. That was the worst lie he has ever heard and it scared the crap out of him. Now he couldn't get the image of Sirius wearing it out of his head. Also he was scared to think that Sirius might be wearing one right now.

"There not mine," Sirius said snatching the thong and pushing it between the cushions of his chair.

Remus backed up and took a seat on the couch farthest form Sirius. His hand rested on the crack of the two cushions and he felt something. He pulled it out and found a dark purple thong. "Well I guess we don't have to worry about you having kids."

"Those are not mine. I never worn them," Sirius demanded.

Remus looked away from the thong. "So you admit wearing the red thong."

Sirius opened and closed his mouth like a fish.

The doorbell rang, so Remus went to answer it wanting to get away from the topic of the thong. He opened the door to find James and Lily there. The two of them walked through the front door after Remus let them in. "Remus what you doing here?" Lily asked with her beautiful smile.

Remus looked at James who was scratching his head and looking away. Remus smiled, then looked back at Lily who was moving over to her baby. "I came to see Sirius and saw Harry, so I decided to give give him some help."

Lily picked up Harry from Sirius, then turned back to Remus. "That was nice of you, but I'm sure he would have been fine by himself."

Sirius glared at her back in response. "If you wanted me to kill him, then sure," he whispered. When she turned around he put on a big fake smile.

"Hmm," Lily said curious of what he said.

"I didn't say anything,"Sirius said casually. Remus and James both smiled having a good guess at what their friend said.

James lead over to Remus and whimpered in his ear, "What is that in your hand?"

Realizing he was still holding the the thong, Remus through it on the floor with disgust. "It Sirius."

"It's not mind!" Sirius yelled over hearing them.

"What's not yours," Lily asked as she bounced Harry.

"Nothing," Sirius said going over to the thong and kicking it under the dresser.

James looked at the dresser, then to Sirius with a questionable look. "I don't want to know." He looked to his wife. "lets get Harry home."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay longer and talk to your friends."

"Pretty sure," and James started walking toward the door.

Lily shrugged, but followed her husband. "Thank you Sirius for baby sitting."

Sirius waved to Lily and James as they left with Harry. He and Remus were standing on the front porch watching them. "See you later." Then added to himself, "Just don't leave Harry with me ever again." Remus stopped waving and glared at him for the millionth time that day. Sirius just continued to smile in return.

**The End**

**Don't forget to review**


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